What do you want to be when you grow up?

{The next few blogs are pretty personal and I had to really decide if I wanted to post this for everyone to read. It took longer than I thought, but I'm ready.}

It's funny how people start asking you at a young age what you want to be when you grow up. I know it's usually because it's cute to hear the answers that children come up with, but do they really think you're already supposed to know? Your life experience is basically zero at that age!

I went from wanting to be a heart surgeon to wanting to be an architect. After that I moved on to wedding planner. Then, I went back to wanting to be an architect (which through some unfortunate circumstances, I had to let that dream slide for the time being). Right now, I really want to pursue fashion and being a personal stylist. My tastes are all over the place, but the common thread is visual, I love pretty things!

The world assumes this is how it works: you know what you want to do, you go to school and then you do it. But what if you're like me? I have a plan, I've always had a plan. I've been crafting my ten year plan since I was in 9th grade. But then God or fate or both do their best to knock me down, kick me around and then point and laugh. Everyone says that if you want it bad enough, you'll make it happen. Nobody ever talks about those people that can't make it happen, no matter what they do. I thought being a college graduate meant that I had life figured out by now and that I knew how to succeed and was an official adult. I feel like I am none of those things. It seems like I am so far from any of those things than I would have ever thought possible at this point and time in my life. The world is passing me by and I know less and less what to do every day. Where do I go from here? Is it okay to feel lost? Why can't I just get one thing to go right so I can see some of my dreams come true? What is the point of working so hard when all you ever get is a door slammed in your face and trick windows that aren't even made to be opened? I wish I was still as optimistic as I was when I was in 3rd grade. Back then, I watched ER and knew that I could absolutely be a heart surgeon, not a problem. 

I know that I will probably never get the answers to these questions, but I hope that someday soon I will finally get it right. I know I just have to keep working and trying and eventually I will get there.If anyone has the answers or can offer some help, PLEASE let me know!

Thanks to everyone who has been there for me during this whole process, it really is amazing how much farther you can go with good people!