The Fairy Tale in My Head

There's just something so special and magical about walking into Disneyland. No matter how many times I've been there, it always just makes me so happy and brings out the little kid in me. I want to skip down Main Street and I still squeal when I see Mickey and friends out and about. Sleeping Beauty's castle is just about the prettiest sight I think I'll ever see.

I was bored tonight and started looking at pictures of Disneyland (are you surprised I'm not Disney-ed out yet? I don't think it's even possible for me! haha) and decided to show y'all where I want to get married if I ever had an unlimited budget and if I were actually getting married anytime soon..hmm..which isn't happening, but I digress..

Basically, if you have enough money, you can do anything you want and Disney will make it happen. Disney has magical capabilities most of us can only dream about! Yeah, I know, I'm a Disney nerd - deal with it!

The most beautiful place to get married would be in the courtyard in New Orleans Square. When you exit Pirates of the Caribbean ride, it's to the left. It's a gorgeous courtyard, and I love the French Quarter there. The estate jewelry store always has exquisite pieces and it never fails; every time I go into the store, I pick out the most expensive piece of jewelry. {It's a gift, what can I say?}

This is the courtyard if you are looking at it from

the archway entrance. How amazing would it be to walk down the stairs in a white dress and the railings all draped in hot pink bougainvillea with white lights intertwined. I can see it so perfectly in my head, I wish I could just put that picture up for everyone to see!

The fountain of the courtyard, which is simple but pretty and would look cool with birds of paradise surrounding it. Yeah, I'm all about weddings, can you tell? It would also be cool to have lights inside the fountain so the water would be a different color, like dark pink! Pink is going to be my main wedding color if you haven't figured that out by now.

This is the archway that I would want to exchange my vows under. It would feel so romantic to be just the two of us under that archway and have lights twinkling around the archway. We would obvi be getting married at night after the park is closed so it's just our party there of course and hence the need for twinkling lights!

I would also want to be a Club 33 member so that I could have my reception there because that would probably be the best wedding ever imaginable!

{If you don't know what Club 33 is, GOOGLE IT! Do it right now! I'll wait..}

Since this is all in my head, I'm just going to pretend that this is all quite possible and keep on dreaming about it!

I want to hear your version of your very own fairy tale, whatever it may be! I love a good story and a happy ending, so please share them with me!

And of course, I would take a million pictures here in front of the most beautiful castle all lit up at night. Isn't it just gorgeous? This is definitely what my dreams are made of!

I Love It

Yesterday was a good day at work. It really helped get me out of my funk and put me into a much better mood.

Working at Walt Disney World is not always fun, but then I have days like yesterday where I just love my job.

I had a guest tell me I was a very pretty girl (gawrsh!) and that I was very nice and helpful (which is a big deal because we get paid to be nice, so if someone comments on it, then you know you're going "above and beyond"). And then I had a guest who had the Disneyland Haunted Mansion Holiday Pin for 2009 and I commented how I love Disneyland because I'm from California (and let's face it, Disneyland is a 100 times better!) and the guest gave me the pin to keep and wished me a Merry Christmas. I was blown away! I'm so used to taking care of the guests, it's really nice when they appreciate you for a change.

{Sorry for the horrible picture - my camera is dunzo and all I have is my phone}

Unfortunately, I still don't think I will really be getting into the Christmas spirit this year, but this helped give me a little boost, and maybe I'll be a little bit nicer instead of being a scrooge.

Hope you all have a fabulous, heart-warming day!

Just One of Those Days...

Warning

I'm in a foul, awful, mean, grumpy mood.

Now that I got that out of the way, I am venting and ranting and raging today and I am in no way fishing for compliments or for people to leave comments trying to cheer me up. If you want to leave a comment, then pretty please do, but I don't want people thinking they need to cheer me up because you don't and it probs won't help anyways.

So reasons 1, 2, and 3 why I am in a bad mood.

1. I got turned down for a student loan, so FIDM might not be in the near future like I so excitedly thought it was going to be. Awesome. Of course I don't make enough money and don't have perfect credit. That's why I can't afford school! I need school so I can get a real job and make real money. I'm already on the verge of signing up to donate my body to science to earn some extra money, what else do they want from me to prove that I need money?! It's not like I'm going to take the money and run away! I want to go to school, so I can earn money and pay back the loans! Every single time I try to go to a good school and do something with my life, I always get turned down for student loans because I don't make enough money. Well thanks Sherlock, I couldn't have figured that out on my own!

2. Obvi, #1 is the main reason I am in a foul mood. {And I keep typing fould instead of foul..stupid fingers!} The other reason is probably because of lack of sleep because I have been working at 5:30am to 1pm. This lovely shift entails that I have to get up at 4am and then I don't get home until at least 2:30pm and then I don't get to do anything before I need to go to bed, but I usually can't fall asleep fast anyways and I wake up constantly during the night. It makes me very cranky. And then, these are stock shifts so all I get to do all day is get beat up and banged up and pull loads of a few hundred pounds of shipment. Doesn't that sound like fun? Oh yeah, NOPE!!!

3. When you combine #1 and #2, everything is irritating to me. Lack of money is a huge one. I can't even afford food this week. The only reason I even have a PB&J to eat every day is because of my amazing roomie. Well, at least I will lose weight right? And I have been going to the gym...probably isn't a great idea when I don't eat very much all day, but I really am just so over this whole situation right now.

Add all of that together and you get how I feel inside:

So now, all I'm being is Polly Pessimist and only thinking of negative things. Like how when I can't get a hold of people it's definitely because they don't want to talk to me. And why would they? I'm a failure at life. I don't get why I have friends or why people like me sometimes. I'm boring, I never have funny things to say or can come up with fun things to do. I am not a nice person, I am not generous, I hardly ever put other people first. I'm usually always a Debbie Downer, mainly about myself and I know I get real annoying to the people around me who have to get stuck listening to me. I get mad and angry a lot. It's because I don't want to talk about my feelings. I feel like I stopped being a part of the world March 8th, 2006 and the world is just passing me by while I am just stuck in place. Sure, I may go through the motions but I don't feel like I am really there half the time. "I'm not cryin cuz I feel so sorry for you, I'm cryin' for me." (Toby Keith). I miss my dad. A lot. It's just not f*cking fair. I hate being helpless. I couldn't do anything for anyone.

{And f.y.i., when I am stressed, please don't tell me not to stress. It doesn't make me feel better and then I stress about trying to make myself not stress. Of course I'm stressed out. I'm about to be out of shelter and a job! And absolutely no money for a cushion! The next time I hear that god-awful phrase: "don't stress", I am going to scream. Promise.}

Ugh. Even I'm getting sick of listening to myself complain and talking about only myself. Yet, I can't seem to shake this mood.

Even the Christmas season, my absolute favorite time of the year, is just making it worse. I haven't been able to listen to enough Christmas music, I don't have money to buy people gifts, I don't get to see my family for Christmas yet again this year - 3rd year in a row, and I don't get to do any normal holiday season traditions. I can't even afford an eggnog latte, the best drink Starbucks ever invented. I no longer have anyone to drink eggnog with and complain to each other about how awful it is, even though we drink the whole carton anyways when we can't find our favorite brand. I still look for the same green tie and shirt I bought for him all those years ago that were ruined. Even though I can't give it to him anymore, I still look, probably because I'm insane.

This is just a lousy day.

To Do List of Sorts.

That's what I think it would look like if I charted my weight loss/gains over the past few years. I know I have lost a miniscule amount of weight in the past 3 months, but I haven't been feeling so great lately. It's hard being an emotional eater! I get excited, let's go eat! I get sad or mad or stressed, then I just want to eat to fill that pain or anger or void or whatever I am feeling that day. Why does eating make you feel better? I can't seem to figure it out, if you know, PLEASE TELL ME! I need to break the cycle!

Today, I broke down and went to McDonalds. And let me tell you, drowning my sorrows with a Big Mac was yummy! I did sort of regret that decision afterwards, but it totally hit the spot, so oh well, what are ya gonna do? I do wish I could come home after being gone for 5 months and be like "oh yah, look at me, I got real skin - I probs should eat a sandwich, shouldn't I?". But I'm guessing with only a month to go, that ain't gonna happen here..unless I get the stomach flu, or anorexic. I would like to go home about 10 pounds lighter than when I came to Florida, so only about 8 more pounds to go! Ouch..but in 4 weeks, that's only 2 pounds per week...super do-able! Right??

Well, this was a random post. Just trying to be more consistent and get back into a bloggy routine. I love me a routine! I think at this point of the night, I need to go watch The Nutcracker, while doing some sit-ups and pushups and then crash about 7:30pm. So...I've got an hour..eek! Bye y'all! Sweet dreams!

Not Quite a Week Late.

Yeah, I know. I'm late. Thanksgiving was last week but I'm still going to do an I'm thankful for list now. Mainly because on Thanksgiving I was feelin' bummed and not so thankful. Plus I've been a busy little beaver (wow, did I really just say that?) and there are a lot of stressful things going on in my life so I really had to sit down and think about what I am thankful for.

So here goes, "I'm thankful for":

• My mom and my sissy, who I didn't get to see for Thanksgiving (and most likely Christmas) but I love them and they have done so much for me and I truly appreciate them.
  
• My dog (Scotch, no not after the drink!): apparently he had a seizure a week and a half ago, and I was kind of -okay, a lot!- distraught, but he's doing better and I'm thankful for that and the fact that I was able to save him from the pound in the first place and give him a better life.
  
• My friends because they are amazing! They are always there for me and have gotten me through some rough times in my life. I'm also thankful for meeting new friends during my time in Florida, and my new friends are pretty awesome too! It's always fun to meet new people, and now, I have places to stay all over the country! Yes! Who's down for a road trip?
  
• I have a roof over my head until January 8th. After that I'm not too sure where I am going because I technically won't have a home..but until then, I have shelter! And sad to say, that's more than some people have.
  
• I am getting a paycheck until January 8th. I'm a little worried about that fact, but what's meant to be will be and I'm sure I will figure it out. I always do. Again, it's a lot more than some people have.
  
• My shoes. Yep, they always make me completely happy and I never fight with them :). Also thankful for the fact that Christian Louboutin will be making 8 inch heels in the future. I definitely have to own a pair!
  
• Working for Walt Disney World during the holidays. It may not be fun to work on the actual holiday, but it's really sweet when people thank you for working so that they can have a nice vacation with their family. And seeing the kids faces light up is definitely worth it. Even better: walking into a park all decorated and having my face light up! I'm such a little kid with anything Disney that I still get excited to see my favorite characters and yep, I still cry everytime at "Dream Along with Mickey".
  
• My red fleece sweatpants that were only $10 at Gap outlet. I practically live in them now. No, it's not cold here in Floriday, just out apartment. Our a/c is broken so when we turn it on it goes down to about 56 degree, which makes it feel a little more like winter. I kinda like it!
  
• I'm also thankful for the fact that I get to attend FIDM come April. I am really excited about this new adventure in my life. Hopefully one day I will become an architect but until then, a career in the fashion industry ain't too shabby.
  
• I would be even more thankful for these babies:

{Talk about the perfect holiday shoe! Black, so they go with everything, but they have sparkle! These don't have sequins, but I'm crazy about sequins and sparkle. Show me some sequins and I'm all yours. I completely and utterly DIE for sequins, its a little ridic how much I love sequins. Could I say sequins anymore? SEQUINS, SEQUINS, SEQUINS. Okay, I'm done.}

The holidays are a little hard for me ever since my dad passed away. Holidays were always so much fun at my house and it definitely meant family time. I have so many good memories of the holidays from when I was growing up. Even when I am surrounded by family and friends, I still feel really lonely during the holidays because half of my heart is missing. Christmas is my favorite season though, so seeing decorations, listening to the music and watching the movies still puts a smile on my face. And I'm definitely not opposed to Christmas yummies either. I don't know how I am going to survive this holiday season without See's candy (all my Californians will understand!).

I hope that you are all able to spend lots of quality time with your families and friends and everyone else that you don't see enough of during the rest of the year. Have a wonderful holiday season and be safe out there!

*Does the word sequins look funny to anyone else at this point or is it just me? hmm..*